Height, Width, Depth, Length

There doesn’t seem to be definitive consensus on the matter of the proper way to use the terms height (H), width (W), depth (D), and length (L) when describing the dimensions of things. Usually we are left to sort out which dimension each term is describing on a per object basis. This is stupid.

A Real World Problem

I need cases for my studio monitors. Touring is not very friendly to delicate reference speakers, so proper cases are kind of important. Since the manufacturer of these particular monitors does not make cases, I had to look to other manufacturers for appropriately sized cases. In the specifications for the monitors the manufacturer lists their product in H x W X D dimensions. That’s fine, but one case manufacturer lists their product in H x L x W. Another manufacturer lists their cases in H x L x D. That makes immediate identification of a properly sized case a bit difficult. The fact that some manufacturers list their products in imperial measures while others use the metric system complicates things too, but I’ll save that for another day.

Isn’t it funny that we don’t have standardized language for something as common as measuring the size of things? To be clear, this isn’t necessarily a science problem, but a linguistic problem. Science has created a variety of coordinate systems to make sure we send rockets in the right direction, but for every day use we don’t have a standard system of common words. I love the English language, but it is rife with deficiencies. Don’t get me started on the lack of a “grammatically correct” gender-neutral third person singular pronoun. Grammarians, if you’re reading this, stop complaining about the misuse of “they” and SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

Back to dimensions.

A Plan of Action

In most cases, an object’s dimensions can be described using Cartesian, cylindrical, or spherical coordinate systems with words we already know and love. If an object is roughly box–shaped, orient the object so you’re looking directly at it’s forward-facing orientation and describe it as if you’re looking at it from the “front.” This means you’ll have to determine which side is the front. Most things have one. If your object doesn’t, then it’s probably not useful and should be recycled. (Kidding.) For example, studio monitors are useful because their front side houses speakers which emit sound.

H x W x D

Using Height, Width, and Depth (in that order), make your measurements. Roughly 3 out of 4 objects in this world can be described this way.

• Width = X-axis (left to right) derived from wide
• Height* = Y-axis (bottom to top) derived from high
• Depth = Z-axis (front to back) derived from deep

H x W x L

If an object is really long in one dimension but still boxy (e.g. lumber, french fries), use Length (L) instead of Depth. The word “length” comes from the word “long.”

• Length = the long side of an object

D/R/C x L

If an object is long but round instead of boxy (e.g. guitar cable, baseball bat, spaghetti), use Diameter (D), Radius (R), or Circumference (C) (usually in that order of preference) and Length. If it’s something like a drinking glass or flag pole, use H x D/R/C.

• Diameter = the width of the widest distance across a circle
• Radius = distance from the center to the edge of a circle
• Circumference = the length of the edge of a circle if it was stretched out into a straight line

The Ball Method

If an object doesn’t have any boxy sides and is mostly round like a ball, use the Ball Method. Describe your object by choose a ball that’s roughly the same size. Hail and cancer are the most common things to be measured this way, but it’s used for all sorts of things. They are good because they are self-explanatory. Here are some of the most common sizes. Pick one.

• The tip of a ballpoint pen
• A pencil eraser
• No bigger than the tip of your pinky finger
• A golf ball
• A baseball
• A softball
• A basketball
• A watermelon
• A medicine ball
• One of those cages they do motorcycle stunts in
• The shiny silver thing in Chicago that looks like the ship from Flight of the Navigator
• That space ball ride at Epcot
• The Moon
• Your mom

Now for the sake of progress, can we all agree on this and get back to doing whatever it was we were doing before we had to sort this out? Good. Glad we worked through it.

* The Word Nazis tell us that the word ‘height’ doesn’t have a -th on the end of it, but it should, if we follow logical convention. Can we at least downgrade it from grammatical sin? From now on, if you say, “heighth,” I say, “How high?”

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The State of Biblical Preaching

My cousin Aaron is the pastor at LaOtto Wesleyan Church, the church I attended while growing up. He’s enrolled in some correspondence courses and was asked by a professor to solicit answers from friends and family about their thoughts on “the state of biblical preaching.”

When he sent me a message on Facebook requesting that I answer the question, I didn’t know how to respond. The topic seemed so open-ended and nearly unanswerable. Still, I wanted to help my cousin out, so I spent an hour typing out my thoughts (which are mostly questions). I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this. Below is my reply.

Aaron, here is my answer.

Determining the state of biblical preaching today is difficult for two reasons.

1. Definition

Our discussion is troublesome if our topic is not defined. What exactly is “biblical” preaching? This raises many more questions than it answers.

1. Does “biblical” preaching imply a certain methodology that uses the Bible as it’s primary source? Or is it a specific type of preaching that is defined by biblical scriptures?
2. Does “biblical” preaching include or exclude certain interpretations of the Bible? If so, are some right and some wrong?
3. Are there various forms of biblical preaching? If so, are some right and some wrong?
4. How does “biblical” preaching differ from other types of preaching? Is it the practice of placing dependence upon the bible during the sermon? Or does it mean that the Bible is the focus of the preaching? What about Christ-centered preaching?
5. Is the Bible the only source from which we should draw sermon material? If we do make such a severe line in the sand and say that only the Bible should be used as source material, then what about all other sources (e.g. divine inspirations/epiphanies, modern parables, personal experiences, extra-biblical stories, contemporary context, biblical commentaries, and any other spiritual or nonspiritual texts)? Must we exclude them entirely? What are the implications upon our ability to communicate scripture with certainty, meaning, and context with our congregants?
6. What about preaching to tribes for which there is no Bible translation? How then do we preach? Can we only preach to a group of people if a Bible in their language exists? What about the dark ages when only priests had access to the Bible in a foreign language and the people could not understand the text?
7. Furthermore, was Jesus Christ a biblical preacher? By what definition? Does that definition differ from the definition we use for ourselves today?
8. What about this bit of wisdom from St. Francis of Assisi: “Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.” – Is that not biblical?

2. Data

We both lack data and are surrounded by it.

The general public has unprecedented access to data at that touch of a finger. The available data regarding biblical text is abundant, accurate, cross-referenced, downloadable, translated, paraphrased, and rich with commentary. More than ever before, we know (or can know, if we do a little research) so much about the Bible, it’s authors, the location and times it was written, and the precise meanings of various books, passages, and even specific words.

In stark contrast, we know very little about the state of biblical preaching within the church universal because the data is hard to quantify, collect, and interpret. Most churchgoers spend their entire lives attending less than a handful of churches. Their ability to judge their church in light of all the churches of the world and give a commentary on a topic as far-reaching as “the state of biblical preaching” is not a good barometer for the church universal. Even though I travel for a living and have had interactions with hundreds of churches from various denominational backgrounds over the course of just a few years, I would hardly consider myself able or willing to look upon the church universal and pass judgement about wether or not she is practicing “biblical” preaching.

A better question to ask ourselves might be:

Considering all the biblical data we have access to, have we become more like Christ?

Better still:

Considering all the biblical data I have access to, have I become more like Christ?

Old Books Are Fun

All this talk about old books makes me think of my friend Andrew, a book buyer/seller for Bruce McKittrick Rare Books in the Philadelphia area. Katie Nelson and I were able to stop in and see Andrew and his family on our last tour out east. He showed us some of his new favorite curiosities that the shop had on the shelves. This little beauty is a book of hours printed in Paris in 1528 for the use of Salsbury (sp?). Asking Price: If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.

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Jesus & George Carlin

On the morning of August 29th, I (along with the help of fellow musician Katie Nelson) played music for the good people of Lakewood Baptist Church in Lakewood, Ohio, a suburb of Cleveland. We set up outdoors on their east lawn as part of their final al fresco service of the summer. The weather was perfect (I was able to remain the shade the entire time) and we sang and played well, which from my perspective made the entire experience enjoyable.

During the portions of the service in which Katie and I were not playing, we sat off to the side of the makeshift stage area with our backs against the stone wall of the church. As we listened to various readings and other musicians playing, we noticed a young man walking by on the sidewalk, mere feet from the congregants in attendance that morning. As he passed, I noticed (amongst other things) a paperback conspicuously poking out of the back pocket of his jeans – a tell tale sign of belonging to a particular faction of the now burgeoning hipster scene. I leaned over to ask Katie if she had noticed this small detail. She replied with the even more insightful observation she had made; that as this young man had passed, he had swiftly, and without losing step, swiped a pen from a table sitting next to the sidewalk. Though he did this in full view of the entire congregation, no one seemed to notice.

“The audacity!” I exclaimed in my head. “How dare he? Stealing! …and from a church! …and in front of so many people! What gall!” Inside I could feel my well-developed sense of justice rising up. I contemplated hurrying after him to correct this problem, but decided the scene would cause too much distraction since I was sitting in front of everyone. Instead, I quietly sat there and worked through a logical progression of thoughts.

1. Calm down. It’s just a pen. No big deal.
2. But it’s the principle of it all! Stealing is wrong.
3. Maybe he has nothing. I hope he stole because he needed it, not just because he wanted it.
4. How ironic though that he would steal from a group that would have given it to him had he simply asked. If he really needed a pen, anyone of us would have handed him a large supply of pens without reservation.
5. Why would he steal from a church? There must be more to the story. Maybe this was a small statement of his perspective. Maybe he thinks that the church steals from people (a common and sometimes justified belief) and that he was simply playing his part as Robin Hood in this sad story.

The plot thickened in my imagination. “Oh well. Let it go,” I thought as I attempted to refocus my mind on the morning’s service and it’s over-arching themes of orphanhood, abandonment and adoption. (Apropos topics in hind sight.) Still, as I tried to engage myself completely, my mind wandered back to the possibilities of the young man’s motives.

A quote came to mind that I had read just a few days prior. The late comedian George Carlin once said:

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

I mulled over that quote, weighing its humorous pithiness, poignancy, and pride against its subtext of angst, antagonism, and atheism. Knowing that all comedy is rooted in tragedy, I wondered of the origins of this one-liner. How had it been given birth via the life of its author? What were the “causes” of this “effect?” What did Carlin experience to arrive at a belief like this? Was this young thief on the streets of Cleveland living out a similar experience?

Again, I thought, “Oh well” and pushed the subject from my mind. The service finished with three songs performed by Katie and me, followed by a pizza lunch on the lawn. With the almost-noon sun moving over head, the shade was disappearing quickly, so as most everyone ate pizza and chatted with each other, I hurried to wrap cables and box up equipment. While I worked, a friend was kind enough to reserve an entire pizza for me. After packing away all the gear, I sat down again in the shade of the stone church to eat a few slices, when suddenly I noticed the young thief coming down the sidewalk again. This time with his shirt off and skateboard under his arm.

I was surprised to see him return, but remembered that oft repeated maxim: “A criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.” For whatever reason, the young man had returned and immediately I thought I should offer him some pizza, but Katie jumped first. “Nice shoes!” she yelled to him. He stopped and looked to see who had complimented his bright blues and yellow kicks, then he approached us. “Thanks. They’re pretty fresh aren’t they? My mom gave them to me.” We talked about shoes for a little bit, then I offered him a slice of pizza. He declined when he found out it had pepperoni on it. “He might be a vegetarian,” I deduced. I wished that I had something that fit his diet, but all I had was a pizza that generously had been given to me. Katie offered him some gluten-free cheese ravioli she had brought along. He accepted with a manner of indirect thank you accompanied by earnest looks and head nods saying, “Yeah, it’s all about generosity.”

Unfortunately, after a few sentences I was pulled into another conversation with some other folks, but I kept my ear perked on the conversation that continued between Katie and the young thief. He expressed his belief that “everyone should share together,” but that “the world and everybody just wants money.” His take on the local farmer’s market (an incredible market, which has some of the most affordable produce I’ve ever seen) was that the marketers are “just trying to take people’s money” and that “people should share food or offer food at a modest prices.” He talked about music, books, people, and church all with the same skeptical-about-everything-but-we-got-to-share-and-one-love-is-it-man sort of view. The irony of his thievery just moments earlier was not lost on me. I could tell that he had some deeply rooted anger, a very suspect anti-capitalist worldview, and plenty of sophomoric pride in his reading list.

As he turned to leave, he jabbed at Katie, “Nose rings aren’t very churchy.” Katie responded with honest sentiments about her experience with churches, describing religious people, the Jesus she knew, and the difference between the two. When Katie said, “I really love Jesus,” the young man agreed that he really liked Jesus too and added, “He is in my top ten people of all time.” Katie asked who else made it onto his top ten people list. He reiterated Jesus and mentioned a few authors before tagging on George Carlin to finished the list. I nearly laughed out loud. I wanted to point out, “That’s like saying your favorite books are Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl and Mein Campf.” I could’ve drawn a Venn diagram to show him the concept of mutual exclusivity, but recognized that rationality was not the impetus at work. He was a wounded boy striking back at a world that had brought him pain.

I dug deeper, “Where are you from?” He launched into a story about being born in Virginia, moving to Ohio at a young age, being drug to Detroit by his ex-minister mother chasing after “love for her boyfriend or whatever that whole thing is.” He returned to Cleveland when his girlfriend parted ways with him. Now he’s sleeping on a couch at the boarding house where his mother is staying. Katie saw that he was carrying a portable CD player and asked him if he wanted some CDs. “Sure! I love music,” he said. “I’ll probably just burn the tracks and then sell the CDs ’cause I need the money, you know. I gotta survive.” Katie gave him two of her albums as well as two of mine. He expressed his gratitude to us again with another obscure type of thank you and then left.

We spent much of that afternoon walking around town with some good friends. As we popped in and out of little shops, cafes, and novelty stores, the odd events of that morning came up in our discussion. We verbally processed the theft and subsequent conversation that took place, touching on the possible roots of such problems before moving on to lighter topics like “Which shop should we go to next?,” “Do we need to feed the meter?,” and “What do you want for dinner?” Towards the end of the day we found ourselves walking along the path of a local park just in time to catch the reddish-orange sun slowly sinking into Lake Erie. We paused for a moment to enjoy the scene before deciding it’s best to head “home” before dark in an unfamiliar town.

The path out of the park took us directly past a skate park. I scanned the crowd of young guys skating there wondering if the young man we had met earlier was among the dozens enjoying this extremely nice skate park, one of the many perks paid for by the hard work of the local “capitalist pigs.” I didn’t spot him, so we continued on. Just as we reached the street, I was surprised to see our friend the thief making a last second dash through the busy intersection to beat traffic. Since he had not seen us yet and knowing that he probably gets hassled a lot for skating, I jokingly yelled to him, “No running!” He turned to see who was reprimanding him this time and smiled when he recognized us.

“Hey! I listened to your CDs and that’s some really good stuff,” he immediately offered. “I liked them a lot. I burned them and took them down to the exchange already ’cause I need the money. Gotta survive. They only gave me two bucks though for all four of them ’cause they said that you weren’t popular.” Though severely lacking tact, I had to admire his honesty. Most musicians might run away crying after such a frank assessment, but we grinned and said, “That’s fine man. We’re not really famous, so it’s not a surprise.”

He then offered his assessment of the music: “It just goes to show that God helps those who help themselves.” I’m sure I gave him a funny look when he said that, because I’m not really sure how he arrived at that conclusion. How could anyone boil down four albums of songs to such a singular and contrary thought? (But then again, how could Carlin boil down the entire discussion of Christianity to logo choice?) I concluded that either our young friend did not actually listen, or though he did listen, he was so wounded that he could not hear. Then again, maybe what happened was a phenomenon similar to what the Beastie Boys experienced with their song “(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party!).” A tongue-in-cheek satire of frat boy meatheadiness became the anthem of meatheaded frat boys everywhere.

Make of it what you will.

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Do You Hear What I Hear?

I found some MP3s of sine waves at various frequencies at www.freemosquitoringtone.org. As we age, we lose our ability to hear higher frequencies and so these MP3s are offered as discreet ringtones for teens. Try out these tones and let me know how high you can hear.

Audio Frequency Test Tones

Don’t worry if you can’t hear some of the higher pitched test tones. The problem may not be your failing ears. It could be the inability of your speakers, headphones, or soundcard to reproduce the higher tones.

Frequency	Age Range	Audio File
08.0khz	Everyone	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
10.0khz	60 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
12.0khz	50 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
14.1khz	49 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
14.9khz	39 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
15.8khz	30 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
16.7khz	24 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
17.7khz	24 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
18.8khz	24 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
19.9khz	24 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
21.1khz	24 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
22.4khz	24 & Younger	Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

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Mr. Flashypants

Apparently, I don’t put my pants on the same as everyone else does these days. I still use a method called “One Leg At A Time” that was used almost exclusively up until the 21^st Century. I guess there is always room for improvement.

Here’s the video. Off the house, nothing but pants.

On a somewhat related note, when playing video games, I often go by the nickname Mr. Flashypants. It’s not a great name until an opponent I’ve slain gets the notice, “You were killed by Mr. Flashypants.” That, my friends, is ultimate humiliation.

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Snap Bracelets Are Back!

Reflective sports “snap band” recently photographed in the sports section of a big box retailer. Umm… I think we called these snap bracelets when I was a kid. Back then they were just fashion accessories in a passing gaudy trend, but apparently they’ve been repurposed as safety apparatuses (apparati? apparatusi? apparatusesses?). So I guess it’s time to dig up those glittery old snap bracelets, dust ‘em off, and give them a second life. They’ll certainly have a little more dignity now with their renewed sense of purpose.

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I Get It Every Day

Nearly every day I look at the clock when it’s 12:34. This is odd, because I rarely check the time, but somehow I almost always manage to glimpse over right at 12:34. Sometimes I’ll just look up or turn my head in passing and notice that *gasp* once again it’s 12:34. Strange. I feel like i’m in a twilight zone episode. Any suggestions?

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Ed Had Edited It

From: List of homophonous phrases on Wikipedia

Esau Wood sawed wood. Esau Wood would saw wood. All the wood Esau Wood saw, Esau Wood would saw. In other words, all the wood Esau saw to saw, Esau sought to saw. Oh, the wood Wood would saw! And, oh the wood-saw with which Wood would saw wood! But one day, Wood’s wood-saw would saw no wood, and thus the wood Wood sawed was not the wood Wood would saw if Wood’s wood-saw would saw wood. Now, Wood would saw wood with a wood-saw that would saw wood, so Esau sought a saw that would saw wood. One day, Esau saw a saw saw wood as no other wood-saw Wood saw would saw wood. In fact, of all the wood-saws Wood ever saw saw wood, Wood never saw a wood-saw that would saw wood as the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood would saw wood, and I never saw a wood-saw that would saw as the wood-saw Wood saw would saw until I saw Esau Wood saw wood with the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood. Now Wood saws wood with the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood.

Currently listening:
Mule Variations
By Tom Waits
Release date: 27 April, 1999

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